Too Many Corpses

Hail all. I'll try not to WoT you, but this is a complex problem:

I have an actual MBP, but the supposed "geniuses" at the thing are all idiots. They say the only solution for this problem is a complete wipe-reinstall, but I'm convinced we've moved beyond 2002, when the only solution for any and all issues was wipe and rebuild. Maybe there are some actual hackers here....

I installed [or rather, was forced to install]the OSX High Sierra update. After that, my mac was able to restart twice more before verbose would hang with "Process[xxx] crashed: opendirectoryd. Too many corpses being created." This message repeats ad infinitum in safe mode or regular alike. I am able to access Single User Mode, wherein I entered the following: fsck -fy mount -uw / rm -rf /etc/launchd.conf rm -rf /System/Library/Caches kextcache -i / reboot

Obviously, since SUM lacks the required privileges, in order to successfully execute the rm commands, I had to be in Recovery, which also works.

the only change was that now libBootCache cannot load anything from these locations, since they were removed.

Additionally, there are two warnings: "couldn't block sleep during cache update" and, "proceeding w/o DiskArb" It then completes early boot, waits for DSMOS, and then "pci pause: SDXC" At times, these two randomly exchange places, though.

This is a dual-boot system with Win7 Ultimate. I can access win7 just fine. I have attempted twice to reinstall OSX through recovery straight from Apple, which completes but: no dice, exact same error on reboot.

I have lots of time and brains. Anyone wanna give this one a shot?